What Is Spiritual Direction?
A guide to learning what spiritual direction is, who it helps, what happens in a session, and how to find a spiritual director.
Welcome! I’m Bailey Gillespie, the writer behind Listen to Your Life. I post once a week, alternating between practical guides and personal essays about living a beautiful and meaningful life, even with unmet longings. As always, I’d love you to join the conversation in the comments, just like if we were sitting in a cozy living room or a coffee shop together. Happy reading!
Three years ago, I began receiving spiritual direction consistently. Since then, my friend Diana and I have met monthly over the phone, and each time we do, it’s a place of deep refreshment with God.
In an era where real presence is craved but hard to find (and trust), I believe we need the timeless practice of spiritual direction more than ever.
Readers and friends often ask how to find a spiritual director. And if you’re not in contemplative or liturgical faith circles where spiritual direction is regularly practiced or talked about, it might be a foreign concept to you. So, I’ve created this guide, inviting my Substack friend, Lahni Blair, to join me for a conversation all about spiritual direction—what it is, what needs it serves, and how to find a director if you’re interested in this type of long-term companionship. We both sense a vocational call to soul care, and Lahni’s beginning that journey this fall with a two-year program. She also writes beautiful prose on everyday spiritual formation over at her Substack, One Sacred Question.
Quick note: This guide is fairly substantive, so feel free to hop around to whichever questions stand out. You can always bookmark it and come back later. Also, consider passing it along to a friend. <3
We hope it’s helpful!
—Bailey
“Contrary to its name, spiritual direction is not about giving advice or telling somebody what to do. Rather, it is about directing a person toward a pathway of spiritual discernment and safety where they can begin recognizing and noticing the current of God’s love that is always at work beneath their life.”
Q: What is spiritual direction?
Bailey:
One of my favorite writers, Emily P. Freeman, defined this in a wonderfully succinct way when Ian Cron asked her this question on the Typology Podcast. Here’s her response:
“It’s simply one person holding prayerful space for another to help them discern what God might be up to, in and around them.”
Lahni:
Historically, spiritual direction has its roots in early monasticism and cura animara (the “cure or care of souls” in Latin). Today, Christian spiritual direction draws deeply from the same framework of soul care, integrating a pathway of care that seeks to honor the whole person and the spiritual, psychological, and emotional realities unique to their life. Contrary to its name, spiritual direction is not about giving advice or telling somebody what to do. Rather, it is about directing a person toward a pathway of spiritual discernment and safety where they are able to begin recognizing and noticing the current of God’s love that is always at work beneath their life.
Through the gift of attentiveness and holy listening, a spiritual director accompanies another person right where they are on their journey of faith, coming alongside them in spiritual friendship, and asking questions that help illuminate the quiet rhythms of grace and Spirit-led invitations that are presently drawing them into the shelter of God’s presence and care.
Steeped in the contemplative tradition, many spiritual directors incorporate contemplative practices (silence, imaginative prayer, lectio divina, etc.), weaving them throughout a session as pathways of exploration and intimacy in our life with God.
Q: Who is spiritual direction for?
Bailey:
Spiritual direction is for anyone, whether you’re a lifelong follower of Jesus or newly exploring the faith. That said, it can be particularly helpful for those asking the following questions or experiencing these feelings:
“I feel stuck.”
“How do I hear God’s voice?”
“Why does God feel far away?”
“I’m unsure if I want to attend church again, but I still want to know God and experience his love.”
“How do I discern my calling in life?”
If you’re someone like me who struggles to sit still and quiet your brain, just the practice of being still for an hour is good for the soul. It might also be disorienting if you’re used to achieving goals or are looking for specific answers.
As Lahni mentioned, spiritual direction is different from therapy or business coaching in that you’re not doing anything. You’re simply learning to be with God. For some of us, this is super foreign and weird. But this kind of quiet, restful, and attentive presence is the transformative quality in all true relationships, and it’s actually what we crave in the deepest places of our hearts. Scripture tells us that Mary was the sister who “chose what is better” by sitting at the feet of Jesus (Luke 10:38–42). And since we’re out of the habit of leisurely spending time with God, and listening to his voice, having the accountability and guidance of a spiritual director is a real gift.
Q: Is it biblical?
Lahni:
“The Kingdom of Heaven is like a grain of mustard seed that a man took and sowed in his field. It is the smallest of all seeds, but when it has grown, it is larger than all the garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches.” —Matthew 13:31–32
Yes! If there is one place in Scripture that I would point someone toward to better grasp the Kingdom-centered roots of spiritual direction, it would be this one. The ministry of spiritual direction is a haven for the sheltering of souls, one of the many branches on the expansive tree that is the Kingdom of God, a place where others can come home to the heart of Christ.
In the same way that Jesus modeled sacred companionship, seeing and meeting people where they were at, we see all throughout Scripture how God used the lives of his people, fueled by the mission of the Kingdom, to embody the love of Christ in the world. The ministry of spiritual direction—rooted in the spiritual gifts of discernment, wisdom, knowledge, exhortation, and shepherding—is an outpost of that embodiment in the world. It’s a place where people can experience the love of Christ in a tangible way and begin noticing how that love is ever-accompanying them along the way, long after they get in the car or turn off the laptop and part ways with their spiritual director.1
Q: How often do you meet with a spiritual director?
Bailey:
Typically, you meet monthly, which gives you space to meditate on God’s presence in your life between sessions. So much can happen each month, and I’ve found this to be a good timeframe for reflecting on what God is showing me. But you and your direction will decide on the frequency.
Q: How is spiritual direction different from meeting with a therapist, coach, or mentor?
Lahni:
While there are areas of overlap in how each of these can meet us on our journey, and while they can be allies that support us in different capacities along the way, spiritual direction is a ministry of soul care that is uniquely distinct from therapy, coaching, and mentorship.
Therapy is often a pathway looking backward, examining the fractured places in our stories and lives and seeking some sort of understanding and integration from within a therapeutic framework.
Coaching and mentorship are pathways looking forward, coaching exploring next steps of a goal or a specific direction we want to go in our life, and mentorship exploring growth, spiritual habits, and maturity in the ways we live out our faith.
Spiritual direction, while at times invites us to look both backward and forward, is a ministry of presence rooted in the present. It is not about fixing or analyzing our problems, measuring progress, attaining greater levels of knowledge, or figuring out what steps to take next; it is about learning to be present to what God is already doing in our life amidst the loose ends, unanswered questions, and unknowns; looking back not to fix or seek resolution, but to begin seeing where the Light has always been weaving a story though the darkness. It is about restoring attachment, intimacy, and safety with Christ, noticing the holy invitations he extends as we journey with him each day of our unfinished and ever unfolding story.
Q: Where can I find a spiritual director?
Bailey:
Connecting with a local or long-distance spiritual director should definitely be within reach for you! It just takes a little research and exploration.
Thankfully, you aren’t limited to attending sessions in person, though you absolutely can (and I would say you bring more intention with you into a physical space). People meet with a spiritual director over the phone, on video, or in person, depending on what’s offered and what you prefer.
The simplest way to start your search is by Googling “spiritual direction near me.” There may be local retreat centers or more traditional churches that offer this service for free. But there are also individuals who host sessions independently. If you attend church, your community may have a spiritual formation pastor or a soul care/counseling ministry where skilled people can point you in the right direction. Looking for online directories or asking a friend (or a Substack writer!) who is familiar with this world is a great starting point, too.
Q: Why is there such an interest in spiritual direction right now—especially among women in their 30s and 40s pursuing formal training?
Lahni:
As someone preparing to step onto a vocational pathway of soul care, a couple of things come to mind. First, based on my own experience and the conversations I’ve had with others, there is a growing weariness sweeping through the Christian West. So many of us, especially those of us who grew up in or are still steeped within evangelicalism, are looking and longing for something that holds beyond the fractures, disillusionments, divisions, and performative culture of the institutional Church.
Moreover, I believe this increased interest in spiritual direction is, in part, due to the gaps in discipleship in the West. Many of the discipleship models we see center around an increase in habits that emphasize growth in the knowledge of God without being deeply formed by intimacy with Christ.
More than an increase in knowledge and checklists, we need Spirit-filled rhythms of intimacy, receptivity, and reciprocity that strengthen us in our inner being, root us and ground us in love, and walk us through a door where we begin to grasp the width, length, height, and depth of the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge (paraphrasing Ephesians 3:16-19).
Simply put, we need to know we are safe to journey with Jesus. And for many of us, walking with a spiritual director put flesh to that safety, inviting us to journey with Jesus through the door of trust and love. It is a door we now hope to walk others through.
Q: What’s one meaningful story or encounter with God that came from your time in spiritual direction?
Bailey:
Shortly after becoming engaged to my husband, a long-distance friend offered to come alongside me in this way while she was finishing a spiritual direction program. She was looking for a directee, and I desired prayer in this season of transition. I’m really grateful it happened in this organic way. The two of us have only met once in person, 12 years ago at a retreat center called Laity Lodge in the Texas Hill Country. (A fun story for another time.) We loosely stayed in touch over social media, so the transition from wise friend to spiritual director felt natural and welcomed.
During months when God seems distant, or I wrestle with feelings of disappointment, anger, or neglect, spiritual direction is always timely and centering. It softens me again, helping me see beyond my limitations and notice the ways that Christ’s goodness and mercy are woven all throughout my life.
These conversations (and the holy silence within them) remind me that even though my emotions burn brightly, they also change quickly, and no matter how I feel on a given day, God never abandons me. I’m grateful for the ways my friend carries hope for me on days when I cannot find it myself. The consistency of our monthly sessions also gives me something to look forward to and a reason to become more attentive to the Holy Spirit’s movement in my life.
Lahni:
When I first began my journey of spiritual direction three years ago, my spiritual director spoke about “The God Who Is” and “The God Who Is Not”, two phrases that would begin to companion me in beautiful and challenging ways.
One carries the truth that there is The God Who Is, the One who is perfect and righteous, abiding in steadfast love and compassion, altogether removed from everything that seeks to distort His image in our lives. But the other carries with it the idea that there is The God Who Is Not, the one we’ve created in our image and shoved into our preferential boxes. Our perception of him is created not by the reality of The God Who Is but by the distortions of our deepest woundings and experiences.
When I began spiritual direction, I had already crossed a threshold of fear into a vast unknown. But walking with someone provided the scaffolding I needed to begin encountering The God Who Is, learning to name the spiritual ruptures that had distorted my image of Love and begin slowly leaving behind false images that had created a chasm between me and The God Who Is. In one sense, this journey has been a series of encounters and revelations, the first of which was coming to know and truly believe that The God Who Is is safe and that I am completely safe with Him, held in the boundless storehouse of His love and protection. In another sense, it has been an ongoing encounter and unfolding, an arc of discovery and wonder that continues to shelter me.
Q: How much does spiritual direction cost?
Bailey:
Some feel called to offer this ministry for free, and others have a set fee or a sliding scale similar to what you’d find in a counseling clinic. Anywhere from $65-150, typically. Some may even integrate this kind of soul care into another therapeutic practice. For a brief time, I saw a therapist in Nashville who was also a trained spiritual director, and I have a few friends with an interest and/or background in both since these fields complement each other nicely.
Q: How do you prepare for a session?
Lahni:
Preparing is as simple as creating space in your life and heart to show up honestly and practice vulnerability with your spiritual director. Spiritual direction is a non-performative space, and while it can be helpful to reflect on current themes in your life (restlessness, fear, etc.), choosing one or two to unravel with your spiritual director, there is never pressure to come up with something to discuss. Simply come as you are, where you are, with whatever your heart is carrying. Allow the Holy Spirit, who is the ultimate director, to guide and lead your time.
Q: What happens after a session / how do you reflect?
Lahni:
The monthly practice of spiritual direction is a tender journey that comes with moments of deep clarity and inner transformation. As we return to our busy lives, it can be easy to forget the details of these moments (a prayer image received, a word spoken, a question asked, and the invitations the Spirit extended). I have found on my own journey with my spiritual director over the past few years that it’s a helpful practice to jot down the details of these moments on my phone or notepad when I get in my car to leave. When I go back to journal through these moments (something I highly encourage!) and further unravel them with the Lord, I am able to remember those precious details and explore them freely without trying to remember what they were.
A spiritual direction session is just the beginning of what the Lord will unravel in your heart and life as you learn to journey closely in friendship with him.
—> Thank you so much for reading! Are you interested in this type of spiritual companionship? And if you already meet with a spiritual director, do you have a meaningful story to share?
Further Resources
Directory of Spiritual Directors - Leadership Transformations
Directory of Spiritual Directors - Sustainable Faith
Kardia Community, founded by Dr. Matthew Nash (a spiritual director and previous podcast guest of mine!)
Miranda Benson - a long time friend from the faith/arts world who recently received a certificate in spiritual direction. Miranda has offered to meet with Listen to Your Life readers over the phone for an initial call if you’d like to explore the possibility of spiritual direction! You can email her at mebryant2019@gmail.com.
Susan Cosio - an ordained pastor and spiritual director local to Sacramento who partners with different retreat centers and orgs
The Next Right Thing Podcast: Episode 167 - “Spiritual Direction for Beginners”, hosted by Emily P. Freeman
Iona House - an example of a retreat center that offers spiritual direction as a form of ministry (no cost)
What Is a Soul Friend? - Bailey Gillespie
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I do want to mention that there are also spiritual directors outside the Christian faith (just like there are therapists and coaches outside the faith). If you love and follow Jesus, I believe it’s important to prioritize finding someone who also loves and follows Jesus since this is a relationship helping guide your life with God. Seek out personal friends, mentors, ministry leaders, or curated online resources that can help you find the right fit.
 | A guest post by
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Bailey, it was such a joy to collaborate with you on this guide. Thank you for extending the opportunity, friend. I’m so excited to see how the Lord will continue to guide us on our paths and how soul care will shape our hearts/the hearts of others as we partner with Christ in these callings. And maybe one day down the road we will be chatting all about it over coffee for hours! What a delight that would be 🤍
Thank you for this conversation, Bailey and Lahni, and for shining a light on this beautiful ministry! I love your hearts for soul care and celebrate that God-given desire in each of you!
Spiritual direction has been such a gift in my own life, so much so that I am in the process of training to become a director myself with Sustainable Faith. I have met with my own spiritual director for about four years now. Through periods of felt closeness with God, healing from deep spiritual pain and harm, and spiritual dryness, my director has accompanied me with safety, presence, and delight. This practice has taught my heart that God is gentle and safe and that He really loves me even when I feel I have nothing to offer Him or when I fall apart. It's been invaluable.
May many of your readers discover the beauty of God in this ministry too!